New Fan Pic!!

We got a seXXXy new Fan Pic from our friends Alisha & Brett of SeXXXcapades. If you haven't heard, they're a sexy swinging couple from NY that I met on Twitter. I love all their seXXXy tantalizing stories. They're also real people who are cool and down to earth. Check out their blog or add them on Twitter @SeXXXcapades I guaranteed that you won't be disappointed!!

Better Orgasms Are A Possibility...

It’s a happy fact that the more orgasms you have the more orgasms you’re likely to have in the future. So whether you’re looking for immediate gratification or long-term payoff, learning more about your orgasmic potential will likely bring satisfaction on several levels.

However, the idea of “building” a better orgasm isn’t meant to make you feel like there is anything wrong with the orgasms you’re currently having. If you’re trying to improve your sex life to meet someone else’s expectations or because you’re feeling pressured, you won’t get far. But if your interest in having better orgasms comes from personal desire or curiosity, then you’ll probably find a few tips below to help you on that journey.

Here are a few caveats to keep in mind as you explore:

What’s “better” is only what’s better for you; there’s no comparing orgasms with others.

You are the measure of orgasmic success. If you’re happy, that’s what matters.
There is no right way to have an orgasm; whatever works for you is good enough.
If it feels good, and no one's getting hurt, there are no wrong orgasms.

Before starting any sexual exploration, consider that many of us have had negative and traumatic sexual experiences in the past, including being abused or assaulted. Whenever you begin to explore a new sexual avenue, issues may come up related to these past experiences. If you’re going to explore, you should try to have some support in place (a partner, a friend, or a counselor) to help you process anything that might come up as you explore. All of us need to take care of ourselves when we open up to a new experience. Having had a traumatic experience in the past doesn’t mean you can’t have great sex in the future -- it just makes the need for support that we all have a little more obvious and pressing.

1. Start by Breathing

Orgasm has the potential to be a full body experience, and breath provides the foundation of the experience. You can build on your orgasms by playing with your breathing. Start by paying attention to your breath during sex.

Do you find yourself holding your breath and tensing up? Do you notice that your breath changes from a slow and deep to short and quick?

Next, experiment with the depth and pacing of your breath. Try to intentionally change your breath as you feel yourself approaching orgasm. Some people find that longer and deeper breathing at the point of orgasm can expand their awareness of the orgasm in other parts of their bodies. If you find yourself losing steam you can also try short quick breaths (being careful not to hyperventilate!).

2. Move Your Body

Moving your body may be an obvious part of having sex, but when it comes to orgasm, a lot of us tense up and hold ourselves almost still, which can get in the way of having an orgasm or having a bigger orgasm. You can change your orgasm by changing how much you move and what parts of your body you move. Start by paying attention to how your body moves during sex and at the point of orgasm.

Are there parts of your body you aren’t moving at all that you could be moving? Are you self-conscious about how you move your body during sex?

Now experiment during masturbation with different sex positions and different kinds of movement. If rocking your hips doesn’t work for you try shaking your arms or legs or just letting your whole body writhe. If you are self-conscious about trying this with a partner, start with the lights off, or under the covers. Make a game of it and agree to have sex once while trying to move as many different parts of your body as possible. As you do this pay attention to see if one or more movements feel particularly good.

3. Find Your Line, Then Mess with It

Our obsession with orgasms often means we’re in such a hurry to get there that we lose out on the build-up. Many people report that orgasms resulting from a slow build-up or arousal are more powerful than quickie orgasms. Start by figuring out where your line is: that point at which you go over the top and have an orgasm.
Can you always tell when you’re about to have an orgasm?

What are the signs that you feel in your body that happen just before orgasm?
Your next step is to prolong the period before orgasm. It’s much easier to try this by yourself. Masturbate however you normally would and just when you get to the brink of orgasm, slow things down. Keep the stimulation going, but let yourself step back from the line a bit. Then start again until you get close to the line. Try this three or four times before letting yourself orgasm. The authors of I Love Female Orgasm describe their version of this game which they call “The Magic of Ten." In this version, you get yourself to the point of orgasm and then switch position and kind of stimulation. Do this ten times before letting yourself go.

4. Exercise Your Pelvis
This tip won’t work for everyone, but if you have movement in your pelvis and don’t experience pelvic pain, you can try to build better orgasms by strengthening the pelvic muscles called the pubococcygeus muscles. Strengthening exercises for the PC muscles are called kegel exercises, and doing these increases blood flow to the pelvic area. Some people report that stronger PC muscles result in stronger orgasms. Simply doing the exercises also increases awareness of your pelvis which itself can lead to more intense orgasms.

5. Think Outside Your Box

If you’re looking for bigger orgasms you need to think beyond your genitals. It’s not that the vulva, clitoris, penis, and scrotum aren’t key players in the orgasm orchestra, but your body is full of nerve endings just waiting to be aroused, and orgasms can come from unexpected places. Sometimes stimulating another part of your body while bringing yourself to orgasm can really change the way the orgasm feels. Next time you’re having sex, alone or with a partner, spend some time playing with other parts of your body. Don’t just think of this as foreplay, really concentrate on where feels good, and when you’ve found a spot, experiment with different intensities of stimulation.

6. Tense and Relax

When you have an orgasm, muscles throughout your entire body are engaged. But often during sexual arousal and orgasm, we unintentionally isolate parts of our body, and tense or relax only those parts. One way to build better orgasms is to start integrating your whole body into the experience, including your muscles. Start by taking note of those parts of your body where you feel muscle tension and relaxation before, during, and after orgasm. If you find yourself tensing up at the point of orgasm, try to use your breath to relax your muscles. If you find that only one part of your body tenses up, intentionally tense up another part and see how that feels during orgasm. Play with the tension of muscles by tensing up, holding for a few seconds, and then relaxing.

7. Good Fantasies and Bad Fantasies

Using fantasy to build better orgasms can be both a help and a hindrance. Fantasy is great if helps you “let go” and follow your erotic thoughts. If you’re someone who finds it hard to get aroused, fantasy can be a crucial first step. But some of us use fantasy as a way of staying outside our bodies and distracting ourselves from what we’re feeling. If you’re someone who relies on fantasy most of the time, you may want to experiment with not fantasizing and focusing on what your body is feeling. If you never allow yourself to fantasize then it may be time to give it a try and see how it can change the way your orgasms feel. Read more about sexual fantasy.

8. Play With Toys

Sex toys, vibrators in particular, are often the easiest and fastest way to an orgasm, and the kinds of orgasms you have when you play with toys can feel very different. Sex toys are not essential for good sex or great orgasms, but they can be great both for the added stimulation they offer and for the way they remind us that sex is play. Using sex toys can also facilitate sexual fantasies, and if you’re using toys for penetration, it offers the chance to choose your size (something we don’t always get to do with our real life partners). Learn more about choosing sex toys.

9. Get Wet

If store-bought sex toys aren’t your thing, try using water. Rushing water from a shower head or from a bathtub faucet offers strong and consistent stimulation that is very different from the stimulation of a hand, or rubbing against fabric or furniture and can result in a very different kind of orgasm. Try masturbating in the shower or bath. Playing in the tub is also an easy way to alleviate concerns about sex being too messy or wet, either alone or with a partner.

10. Check Your Health

If you’re just looking for a way to expand orgasms that you’re already happy with, it’s unlikely that there are any health concerns you need to consider. But if you are having difficulty experiencing orgasm or not feeling orgasms the way you used to, it could be the result of a medical condition or medication. While our sexual response is an intricate blend of mind and body, having a chec up and talking with your doctor about any concerns you have about sex is an important part of building better orgasms and taking responsibility for your sexual health and pleasure. Find a sexual health clinic near you.

Fun Facts About Sex Toys

Fun Facts
10 Sex Toy Facts

1. 53% of women and nearly half of all men report having used a sex toy.

2. Sex toys have been featured on television and in movies for years including Oprah, Sex and the City, and Burn After Reading.

3. Married women are twice as likely to use a vibrator than unmarried women.

4. The world’s oldest known dildo is from the Upper Paleolithic period 30,000 years ago and was found in a cave in Germany.

5. The first vibrator was a wind up vibe invented in 1734, the first steam powered vibe was invented in 1869, and the first electric vibe was invented in 1880.

6. Vibrators were originally used by doctors to cure hysteria in female patients which was believed to happen when the uterus would wander throughout the body. The resulting orgasm would bring the uterus back to the position it was supposed to be in.

7. In 1902, Hamilton Beach patented the first electric vibrator available for retail sale, making the vibrator the fifth domestic appliance to be electrified.

8. Alabama is the only state in the US that still bans the sale of sex toys.

9. The only museum in the world solely dedicated to sex machines is in Prague.

10, There is no evidence that vibrators effect sexual sensitivity. If anything, they may make some people a little less patient because they know that a vibrator can get the job done quicker.

Toys for Ta Ta's

I'm continuing on the celebration of Breast Cancer Awareness month. So I figured I'd talk about Toys for Tits in this post.

Nipple toys are often overlooked sex toys. They are mainly designed for women, but men enjoy nipple toys too. Nipple and breast toys are perfect for adding stimulation when your hands are too busy to tweak them.

The nipples are a powerful erogenous zone that heightens the mood and creates sexual excitement. If you get aroused by having your nipples squeezed, try placing a vibrating toy over them. Wouldn't that feel so thrilling?

By vibrating or sucking on the nipples, they will become engorged with blood and look appetizing, perky and sexy! What a way to tease your lover. As you enjoy a erotic massage, make sure to pay lots of attention to your partners' nipples!

A nipple clamp is a clamp used to stimulate the nipples by applying varying degrees of pressure.

Suction devices are generally either rubber or glass, fit around the nipple, and cause nipples to become more sensitive due to engorgement. Glass suction devices may use either heat or a pump to create suction.

Nipple sex toys are most often equipped with a small vibrator and clamp so all you have to do is attach them on your rock hard nipples and turn your attention to other body parts.

Some nipple toys have chains or a collar attached for a bondage look and sensation. Not all nipple toys are meant to stay on for the long haul but are used to get your nipples hard enough to cut glass.

A little tip- Vibrating nipple clamps work nicely for clitoral stimulation also.

The SexXxy 36HH Porn Star Reyna Mae sent us this awesome fan pic!! Thanks Reyna!! If you haven't heard of Reyna, then you need to go check out her site and tell her we sent you. Her site is chock full of pictures, videos and access to cam shows and a 24/7 spy cam in her house.

October is Breat Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. In honor of that, I decided I'd post a few articles about the risk and statistics of breast cancer for both men and women.

From the 1940s until recently, the rate of new cases of breast cancer (called incidence) in the United States increased by a little over one percent a year. In the 1980s, the rate of new cases rose dramatically (likely due to increased screening), and during the 1990s the rate of new cases leveled off. From 1999 to 2006, there was a decline in the rate of new breast cancer cases. Although mammography screening rates fell somewhat over this same time period, recent studies show these changes were not likely related to the decline in breast cancer rates.

The decline appears to be related to the drop in use of postmenopausal hormones that occurred after the Women's Health Initiative study showed that their use increased risk of breast cancer and heart disease. About 207,090 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed in women in the United States in 2010. In 1975 the incidence of breast cancer was 107 per 100,000 for white women and 94 per 100,000 for black women. Thirty years later in 2005, the number of new cases per year had risen to 126 per 100,000 for white women and 114 per 100,000 for black women.

In the past 35 years, mortality (the rate of death) for white women has decreased. In 1975, 32 per 100,000 white women (including Hispanic women) died of breast cancer, but by 2005, that figure had dropped to 23 per 100,000. For black women (including Hispanic), though, mortality increased somewhat over the same period, rising from 30 per 100,000 black women in 1975 to 33 per 100,000 in 2005.

Getting regular screening tests is the best way for women to lower their risk of dying from breast cancer. Screening tests can find breast cancer early, when it's most treatable.

BDSM - It Doesn't Have To Be Scary Or Painful

If I say this phrase – BDSM – what comes to mind? Leather, whips, chains, high-heeled boots, gags, heavy restraints and probably PAIN, right? For most people, the image of Bondage, or BDSM, connotes all of these things and probably much worse. They can't find even the remotest interest in exploring it because of the way it has been portrayed in the movies, media or in our own imaginations!

The most important aspect of bondage games is trust, because one of the partners is restricted and therefore vulnerable. You must be able to trust one another completely; otherwise these kinds of games should never be played. The active partner (or 'top') should never use the session purely to fulfil their own fantasies in a selfish way, they should also think about the pleasure of the restrained partner ('passive partner' or 'bottom').

Well, I am here to tell you – BDSM does NOT have to be anything like what you have imagined! Playful bondage – the kind that will be discussed here – can and IS an EXTREMELY pleasurable experience for both partners – and can heighten the arousal to levels not previously attained – and all without pain!

People are attracted to this type of play for a number of different reasons. Being tied up allows some people to relax and enjoy being given pleasure without having to worry about giving pleasure back to their partner at the same time. Others prefer to play-struggle against their restraints, and say it builds up an exciting adrenaline rush. Being blindfolded is supposed to heighten other sensations in the body. The person performing the bondage gets increased feelings of personal power, but of course this must never be abused.

If you are a person that does not even like a little spanking in the bedroom – then remove the M – Masochism, from your equation. You may still like the bondage and the submission – just take out the spanking. Perhaps you like a little nipple tugging but don't want to be tied down – TAKE IT OUT! The most important thing in any sexual play is PLEASURE – do what feels good for you and your lover!

I believe that BDSM has gotten a bad rap, so to speak, over the years – and that people are sometimes afraid to even approach the idea of bondage with their lover for fear that they will be bound and gagged and made to do horrible things that will give them no pleasure what-so-ever!

So, let us begin S L O W L Y – and let me bring you into the realm of light bondage and show you just how very pleasurable an experience it can and should be!

When dealing with Bondage play it is essential to have some basic ground rules. I always suggest that the couple sit down in a non-sexual situation and discuss where their comfort zone is. Perhaps go through a checklist to ensure that you are both on the same page.

*Discuss how you are willing to be tied (i.e. only arms, no legs); maybe you want to pretend to be tied initially (“inhibited movement play”) to see if you like to be restricted.

*Discuss what you are willing to have done in your impaired position – i.e. you can kiss me, touch me, but please let me free to have sex.

*Discuss what sensations you absolutely hate or make you uncomfortable – i.e. I don't like ice on my clit, don't want to have sex toys used on me, don't want my penis tied with anything.

*Discuss what would really make you uncomfortable in general – i.e. don't leave the room while I am tied.

SAFETY

Bondage communities have two safety terms they use: SSC (safe, sane and consensual) and RACK (risk aware consensual kink). These terms mean that you should always have CONSENSUAL play with your partner, you should NEVER BE IMPAIRED and you should be safe with your play.

In order to be safe, you should agree upon a safe word to use in the event that one of you feels uncomfortable. This word should be something unusual that you wouldn't say otherwise – like “groundhog.”

Getting the “rules” of play established not only makes you more at ease that nothing bad will happen, but it gets you more excited about what is going to happen while you play.

Some things that first-timers can try out include:

Taking turns to tie each other up with silk scarves and tease one another;

Tie the passive partner up with something that can easily be broken out of, such as paper streamers, or a really thin chain. Then they only have to stay in that position if they want to be there;

Blindfolding during sex, massage, or kissing;

Furry lovecuffs - handcuffs that are padded with fake fur on the inside to prevent chafing, and can't close too far (which cuts off the circulation).

More couples practice Bondage than people think – holding down your lover’s arms during sex, blindfolding them, tying them to the bed with a pair of pantyhose, spanking them during foreplay – this is all BDSM – and a form of playful bondage.

The reason that bondage play is so arousing is because we are eliminating one or more of our senses – and this heightens our other senses and makes them much more in tune to what is going on around us or happening to us.

When we take away one of our senses – let’s say our sense of sight - with a blindfold - all the activity that is going on around us takes on another level of intensity. Our ears will become more acute to all the noises in the room. Suddenly the sound a drawer opening or of our lover moving across the bed is something that causes us a little apprehension and anticipation. What is he getting out of the drawer? Where is he in the room? We can hear ice tinkling in a glass – did he put some in his mouth? Suddenly we hear a buzzing noise – is that a sex toy? All of these noises would have not caused this extraordinary sensory reaction if we could SEE what the noises were, where they were coming from and what was going to happen to us. We become more aroused because of the curiosity of the unknown and the anxiety of waiting to FEEL what will happen with what we cannot see!

If you then take away another sense - let's say the sense of touch - by limiting movement with some light restraints, you have stepped up the game. I highly suggest the TIE THE KNOT restraint kit for beginners, it comes with 4 sets of restraints for ankles and wrists AND a blindfold. They are closed with Velcro, so they are secure, but won't make your “prisoner” feel like he or she can't get out. The blindfold and cuffs are super soft too! Or, if you prefer, FURRY HANDCUFFS can give you a more secure tie to a bedpost or a chair, while still being soft on the wrists. If you don't have bedposts, the Japanese Bondage ROPE works JUST GREAT for putting it around the bottom of the bed and wrapping it around wrists or ankles. Advanced players may consider DOOR JAM RESTRAINTS or HOG TIE RESTRAINTS, but that is another article all together!

If you prefer NOT to be tied down, you can go the COLLAR / LEASH route – it is a little more typical BDSM, but many couples find it arousing to lead each other around on a leash. The PRISONER KIT comes with restraints and a collar and leash so that you can lead your lover to his fantasy come true! The leash can be then attached to a bedpost so that movement is restricted, but not totally inhibited! For people who are uncomfortable with full immobility this may be a good alternative. Or, the collar and leash combined with handcuffs. Once again, all YOUR CALL!

When two senses are impaired – sight and movement – the experience is doubly heightened. Now our sub-conscious self tells us that we are immobilized – which is an unnatural state for the body to be in. Meanwhile, our conscious self which has consented to the activity, is aroused by the possibilities of being tantalized by our lover while we are immobile. As our unconscious battles our sub-conscious, our lover is using our heightened state of arousal to tease us and tantalize us – and is also using our heightened arousal to arouse him / herself. It is a win-win situation!

The final thing to decide in this scenario is – how will you be dressed or undressed while you are tied down? My suggestion is NUDE! There is nothing quite like being spread eagle on a bed with your legs and wrists tied to the bedposts and eyes covered by a silky blindfold! The sensation of being naked also adds to the eroticism – it makes you as vulnerable as you can possibly be in that moment with your lover! BDSM is much about vulnerability! You are completely helpless to fight off whatever sexual delights he or she has in store for you while you are tied helpless and horny to the bed! Trust me – you will LOVE IT!

The beauty of bondage is that the submissive can't move or fight off the sexual feelings that she or he will be having! It is a very powerful and erotic position for the Dominant to be in. It is also a very exciting position for the submissive. Personally, I get equal pleasure from both positions, but my heart lies with the submissive position.

This is a unique opportunity to experiment with a wide range of sensual touches – feathers, ice, heat, silky fabrics, tongues, fingers, sex toys – things that would surprise you lover upon contact with her or his skin.

Feathers or silky fabrics are a very sensual tools when used in bondage. They tickle, they excite, they make the skin’s neurotransmitters go crazy when passed along the skin! It is a totally wicked sensation to be tied down and have a feather or a silk scarf run up and down your thighs or around your breasts! Imagine a silk scarf wrapped gently around your lover’s penis and gently pulled up! The sensations of the fabric between your legs, on your thighs, on your clit – the possibilities for teasing are endless!

Contrary to what some people think, BDSM is not about violating someone during immobilization. The “art” of playful bondage involves teasing and tickling, licking and sucking, bringing your lover to the absolute highest passion possible.

The tongue is a wonderful thing – it can bring such wonderful sensations to the neck, ears, face, mouth, chest – and of course, the clit or penis! During bondage, kissing, licking and sucking on your submissive is an absolute MUST! Why waste a moment of being able to savor every inch of his or her body with your tongue – teasing them with your hot breath, little flicks of the tongue, nibbles with your teeth. Take advantage now – your turn is coming!

Some of the best types of toys to use in beginning play are Mini-Vibes or Finger Massagers (Fukuoku 9000) – because these toys allow the Dominant to tease all parts of the submissive’s body with the tantalizing vibrations. The nipples, tummy, thighs and clit can be teased and played with all without the submissive knowing what is coming next or the ability to move away or fight the orgasm that is surely building!

The men are not left out – these wonderful massagers can be used on his nipples, tummy, balls, shaft and penis head to accomplish just as much pleasure as when used on her erogenous zones! Of course, he is tied down and can't make you stop touching his ‘sensitive areas’ either- so enjoy the power while you can!

Slimline vibrators are also good for sending some simple vibrations. If you and your lover have agreed to tease each other with sensations of all kinds – massagers, slimlines, or even warming gels or massage oils or creams might be a way to step up the sensations – all for the pleasure of your lover!

Glow in the Dark vibes would also be great because the Dominant would be able to see all the action – close up and personal! My new favorite toy which will surely be making it’s way into our bondage play is the Metallic Heart-On engorged penis vibrator – nothing like a full feeling! My point – no matter what toy preference you and your lover have – it is fun to experiment and play with the extra sensory deprivation you will be experiencing here!

There are so many options to choose from in the BDSM world. Just remember, it doesn't have to be scary or super aggressive. With a little bit of planning with someone that you love and trust, it could be a super sexy adventure to remember for a life time.